Well I haven't done a blog forever!!! So im repenting lol and doing one today. Wow the last time I wrote in here was January. Wow has life changed. Boy have I changed. I have grown a lot. One thing that I am so excited, is that last Wednesday, Traci and I went to the Dr's. It's official, I guess were pregnant. The ultrasound proves it. Its not just Traci saying she is sick, lol. Ok I was just giving her a hard time, we knew she was pregnant for a few weeks. It was just so awesome to see a child developing in her body. It was surreal. Its crazy to think that I will be a father. Wow scary, awesome, unreal all in one. I am so excited. I am so excited to know that Heavenly Father knows that Traci and I can give this child everything, from teaching he/she (shim) the basics of life, but also teaching them values and religious teachings that will prepare this child to return to there father in heaven. Thats a huge responsibilty. But I know Heavenly Father trusts us that we can do that. And for that I am so grateful for him for giving us that opportunity. We are very excited. Of course Traci is not due until November 4th. So that gives us some time to prepare, and to enjoy just us and Brutus. Well I guess thats big news!!! Life is good. Lately its been some of the hardest times, but some of the best times. You cant have the good with out the bad. Its what we learn. I'm so grateful for Traci, she truly is amazing. She never ceases to amaze me. I truly am so lucky to have her in my life. She goes thru so much everyday with work, with being sick, with being a wife. And then dealing with me!! Your the best babe, I love you. Well I wrote my blog, and I promise ill be better at it now. Bring on the Spring time!!!

Prayer

Well it seems to me ive always had a hard time with faith. I think sometimes its because i may be to hard headed and think i can do things on my 0wn, or just make things work on my own. I hate that about me. I always wish i could have more faith. One thing happened yesterday that has helped me know that Heavenly Father cares for me, Joshua Monty Hawks. I know im a son of God. Out of all the people on this earth, he knows us all, he loves us all. He knows whats going on in all of our lives. Satan wants us to forget about that. He wants us to feel alone. Its weird because im crying as i write this. Yesterday, January 16, 2008 i came home from work to get something to eat. I was making my food, and also getting some medicine ready to give to Brutus. After i was done getting his medicine chopped up, i had to wash my hands. I washed them and i felt my wedding ring slip a little on my finger. So i made sure I put it back on my finger. I then went to eat my food and watch tv. A while later while I was watching tv i looked down and saw the my wedding ring was gone!!! I couldnt believe it. What!! how could it be gone. i started looking downstairs, under the couch, on the couch all over the room downstairs, i took apart the couch to look. It was no where. I tried to retrace my tracks. i went up stairs into the kitchen to start looking. I looked everywhere, in the sink, down the drain, on the floor, i went thru the garbage piece by piece, all over the kitchen. I looked all over for over an hour straight. How could i lose my wedding ring!! I just kept looking all over. I had the sickest feeling in my stomach. I started to think maybe I lost it while i was at work. But I swear I remembered it slipping while I washed my hands. I didnt know what to do. So i called Traci, and told her. She was so calm. She wasn't mad that I had lost it, she kept saying it will be ok. Dont worry things will be ok. Wow she was so calm. I felt so sick to my stomach. We had just gotten married less then 6 months ago, and I lost my ring already. She kept comforting me, and said she will help me try to look for it when she gets home from work. She came home and tried to look for it. She said she looked everywhere. She couldnt find it. I said a couple of prayers to help me be guided to where it was. Then i just kept looking. I went back to work, I thought maybe I lost it there but i couldnt find it anywhere. I came home from work and looked everywhere once again where I thought it would be. But it wasnt. Traci couldnt find it either. We went to bed. I prayed and prayed that night. I just kept thinking about it. I couldnt sleep, i even dreamed that i was looking for it, and i never found it in my dream. I woke up early because we were going ice fishing. I was waiting for my Heston and Brandi to come and pick me up. While I was waiting for them, i opened up the Book of Mormon and started to read a little. I kept praying that I would find my ring, and asking Heavenly Father to give me peace. Im the type of person that i just keep dwelling on things forever, so I was asking for peace so I could have a good day, and if it be his will that i could find my ring. It was a great comfort to me to read from the Book of Mormon. I felt the spirit strong. I read in Mormon chapter 1. It was talking about how Mormon was being prepared to get the plates. He was only 11 years old, but he had the faith to do what was right, and wait until later in his life to go and get the plates. What faith he had, to know even though everyone was so wicked at the time, he was righteous enough, to be prepared to help get the plates, and help with the Book of Mormon. So thats what I read this morning. Then Heston and Brandi came and picked me up and we went fishing. It was fun. It was nice to have a break and not to worry about finding the ring. I came home, and all I could think about was that ring. Today was a cloudy day outside, at least it seemed depressing to me. I lost my ring!! I did a couple of errands, and i was just so sad. I came home cleaned part of the garage, and I was thinking about losing my ring and i started to cry. I was crying so hard. I never cry. But i was so so sad I lost my wedding ring. It meant everything to me. It meant my marriage to Traci, It meant me being with her forever, it meant everything. I felt so bad for losing my wedding ring. I just felt so sad and bad for losing it. I felt like I let Traci down for losing it. I felt empty. I just kept crying out in my garage. I texted Traci and told her how I was feeling. She said some of the sweetest things to me. She just kept trying to comfort me so much. She said baby its gonna be alright. I promise. It will all work out. She said she loved me. I wanted to believe that, but i kept crying. I just felt empty still. I went inside and gave Brutus his medicine. It was weird but i just sat and talked to him for a little. It just felt good to help him feel better with his medicine. Ive always liked helping others (and now even helping animals i like doing.) I feel good after i help somebody out or in this case a dog out. I went to wash my hands again in the sink. I replayed what happened the night before as i washed my hands. I tried to remember what I did. Out of habit i went to the fridge and used the towel on it to wipe my hands. I opened the fridge to get a drink out of there. After that a thought came to my head,that last night i got some cheese out for my meal. Right then i had a thought to check in the fridge where the cheese was. Not because I wanted some, just because I had an impression to check there. I opened it up, and guess what I found my wedding ring!!!!! it was in the fridge!!! I was the happiest man on earth. I just started to cry. I cried and cried so much. I dont remember crying that much ever before. I hurry and put it on my finger. I went to my room and went to my knees. I couldnt stop crying. i was to happy. I felt so so blessed. I cant explain to you how i felt. It was mixed emotions. I was sad because in my mind i felt like i didnt have enough faith to rely on Heavenly Father thru out this whole experience. I didnt think he cared about a ring. But you know what, boy does he care. He cares about me Joshua Monty Hawks. He cares about my feelings, me as a person. He knows how much that ring meant to me. I know its just a ring, but it symbolizes so much to me. He knows that it means everything to me. It means that I have a beautiful wife, that cares about me and loves me so so much. He knows it means that its our Eternal Marriage!!! He knows that it means the love I have for Traci!!! Heavenly Father Knows Me!!!! He listens to my prayers!!! He cares about me here in little south ogden utah. Ill always remember this moment. I couldnt stop crying for what seemed over 30 minutes kneeling on my floor in my bedroom after that, thanking my Heavenly Father for helping me, and realizing that i am a child of God. I think he helped me realize whats important to me in my life. Stop sweating the little things. Have faith in him. He is there for us. Be a better person. I needed that reminder. I guess we always need reminders. Im so grateful for my marriage to Traci. I love her so much. Im grateful to have this faith promoting experience!!!

You Are a Blue Crayon

Your world is colored in calm, understated, deep colors. You are a loyal person, and the truest friend anyone could hope to find. On the inside, you tend to be emotional and even a bit moody. However, you know that people depend on you. So you put on a strong front. Your color wheel opposite is orange. Orange people may be opinionated, but you feel they lack the depth to truly understand what they're saying.

What Color Crayon Are You?

Holiday Season Rocks

Well we just came out of one of the best holiday season ever!!! why was it so good? many reasons. First of all i think Christmas times is always the best. Second I got to spend it with someone very special this year, my wife Traci. Third of all, just great times with family and friends. We had some great christmas parties. We had a couple with Traci's family. They were a ton of fun( I even got a Santa Thong out of it) I loved it also because of all the great food. Wow!!! White elephant games, food, and good company. It was so much fun hanging out with her family. They are such awesome people. I couldnt ask for better. Then on Christmas eve, we went down to her sisters house in Pleasant grove. It was snowing bad, but we made it. We sang christmas songs, and exchanged gifts, and more good food. We spent the night there and woke up to see what santa gave us.It was awesome to see Gracie and Gabe open there presents. They were so excited. Wow santa was way to nice to us this year. We got a nintendo Wii, and clothes, and dvds. Also my wife surprised me with Linkin Park Concert Tickets!!! man was i excited and surprised. WOW that was so awesome. Im going to go with my bro in law Darren to the concert. Thanks babe!!! So once again santa was way to nice to us this year. Then on the Friday after we had our Hawks family Christmas party in Liberty. Our whole family was up there. There was snow everywhere up there. i love the snow. I miss it up there in Liberty. It was so nice to have all of us up there and to just have a good time. My mom got us all pj's i always like that. We all also took turns playing the Wii. The day before that my mom and dad even played the Wii. I was so surprised, i have never seen my dad play any type of video game ever. He said he liked it. We had a really great time. We all spent the night up there just like it was christmas eve's of the past. I love being with family. Im so grateful for the great family that we do have. Christmas was a success. New Years we went to my brother Hestons house. We had a lot of food again. We played Taboo and scattegories. They were alot of fun. Our friends marshall and blake were also there with traci and I and Heston and Brandi. We ate, played games, talked about the good ole days, and watched the ball drop on tv. Then at midnight my wife and I had a great new years kiss!! Well im so excited about the new years!! its exciting to see what great things will happen this year Bring on 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jay is the Man!!

Today is December 13. Yesterday my sister and her husband Chad invited us to go to there adoption of there foster kid Jay. We went to the juvenile court in Ogden. We pulled up and I saw my parents there walking in. I didn't know they were flying up from St. George for this, so that was cool. There were alot of our family and Chads family there. It was great to see that. We went into Judge Bachmans court room. Ive been in alot of Juvenile court rooms because of my job, i work with youth and have to go into these courtrooms from time to with those youth. But usually its for different circumstances. Im there because the youth is in trouble. With Jays situation it was totally different. I was very excited. We have known Jay for almost a year. He has become our family. He is a great kid. He is a survivor. He has gone thru alot. For being only 6 years old, and gone thru all he has, he is the man!! Kallee and Chad are the perfect parents for him. They deserve a great kid like Jay. they do such a great job with him. And to hear when the Judge asked them both if they will take Jay and have him be a son to them, just as if he was born to them, they of course said yes, that was awesome. Jay is theres forever. I couldn't be happier. Jay Israel Carrigan. I've always thought that i have been his uncle. Now its just official. Im uncly Joshy, or uncle squidworth, or whatever they like to call me to 13 nieces and nephews and growing. Jay thanks for your courage, to never give up. Thanks for letting me be your uncle. I think Jay is one of the best dog trainers west of the mississippi. Brutus just loves him. Not to many people can play with our dog brutus like Jay can. Kallee and Chad your great parents to him, he couldn't ask for better. Thanks for letting us share this wonderful experience with you guys. I look up to all my sisters and brother. They are all such great parents to there kids. I know parenting is so important and they do an awesome job. I know when Traci and I decide to have kids(in 2010) jk we will have learned from the best, from our siblings. I think its so awesome to see good things happen in the world. In my job i see so much negative things, but its nice to see good things happen to families, instead of families falling apart. Jay you are the man!!

Things I love to do

Well its Saturday December 8th. I've been thinking about things i love to do. Wow there is a lot. Last night i went to a concert. It was Flogging Molly. I went with my friends Ben, Dan, Ben's gf Katie, and Ben's sister Leah. Flogging Molly is an Irish Rock Band. They use the acordion, banjo, tin whistle, mandola, drums, guitar, and all sorts of crazy instruments. Wow they are awesome. If you haven't heard about them heres there website. http://www.floggingmolly.com Or check them out in my music section here on my blog. We had a great time. Its always fun to be with friends and listen to some good music. So one of the things i like to do a lot is go to concerts. Ive been going to them since i was a teenager. I like them. Its fun to get away from everything, and have a good time. Another thing i absolute love to do is to travel. If i could i would travel all the time. I like going to places, see how people do things and why they do things. I love different cultures. I think i got the travel bug from my dad. He loves to travel. I keep telling him, me and him needs to go on the show The Amazing Race. The coolest places ive been was over in Europe, in Switzerland, Austria, Italy, Germany area. It was so pretty. I could die a hapy man and live there!! Another thing i love to do is go 4 wheeling. I have an old atv 4 wheeler that ive had for a couple of years now. It runs great, its fun to go riding up in the mountains with my brother as he rides his motorcycle. I always look forward go to go out on a new trail and just to enjoy the outdoors. Its also great to take my wife out on it for drives. We enjoy that. Other things i enjoy are sports. Sports are my life. Pretty much what i watch on tv is sports. I love the Utah Jazz, and the North Carolina Tarheels. Im not sure why ive always liked the Tarheels, but it just so happens I went on a mission to North Carolina and was living right where the Tarheels play. It was a great time. Its funny because my brother's favorite team is Duke. Duke and UNC are bitter rivals. So that makes it fun for us. My ultimate sporting event to go see would be Duke vs. UNC is basketball. I enjoy playing sports to, even thought i dont get to play much any more. We do play basketball every tuesday at our church which is fun. Well there are a few things that I enjoy. I do enjoy life, I was just thinking about things i enjoy in life because of that concert last night. Good ole Flogging Molly!!! Good Times!!!!

What is a Blog???

Hey its December 2007, and im 26 years old. I dont even know what a blog is. Is it a diary? a place to where you can bring cool things all together on one page? is it a place to rant about what you like and dislike? is it a place to unite friends? Well your guess is as good as mine. Actually im sure everyone knows what one is except me. Oh well ill learn. I hope it will be a combo of everything I said and more. Im kindof excited. I have never been good at expressing my feelings or thoughts to people. Maybe this will help me with that. Well a little about me. This year has been some big changes for me. I mean big changes. Never in the world did i think i would ever get married any time soon. But that all changed with a girl named Traci. I got married in July 2007 to Traci Nichols. (I call her T Anne) She is such a great young lady, I am so glad that she actually wants to be with me. Crazy i know. I love her so much. She's a great person inside and out. You would be surprised of all the cool things and talents she can do. She is a very caring person. She has a great heart, she is a very strong person that i look up to alot. She has been thru alot, and thats what makes her such a great person and great example to me. And wow, shes a sports fan!! you cant ask for anything better in my book. Your the best babe!! Im excited for everyone to get to know her better. We bought my sisters house in July here in South Ogden Utah. Its nice, i like living here alot. We got an Olde English Bulldog in may. His name is Brutus. He is the man!! we love him alot. Hes a great dog. Thats our baby for now. Were trying to find him a mate, but thats another story ill tell later. Well thats the big changes i've had this last year. And all of them i would never change in a million years. Now Lets Get Blogging!!!